WHAT UPSETS TEENS

He says: What upsets teens

2010/06/23

By Sivesh Sangar, 15, Kajang

STRESS occurs when major life events that are difficult, unexpected or unusual happens — financial difficulties, parents going through a divorce, breaking up with boyfriends or girlfriends, or getting seriously injured in an accident.Other problems are common day-to-day difficulties.

A rapid succession of a series of stressful events is more difficult for adolescents to deal with than just one major stress event.

The most common sources of day-to-day stress for teens are difficulties with peers (such as being bullied), and dating.

On the other hand, family issues and school-related pressures can also cause high stress levels. Then there’s dealing with our own thoughts, feelings and behaviour — matters of self-esteem, for example, that bring on anxiety or depression.

Other sources of stress include a chronic illness, the death of a loved one, moving to a new community, changing schools, taking on too many activities, the pressure of perfectionism and unsafe neighbourhoods.

Parents can help by encouraging their teens to talk about what they are going through, and listening to them. Don’t just jump to conclusions and dish out advice. Depending on the situation, your teen may not want advice, just to be understood. Even if a problem seems small to you, it may be a major concern for your child. Minimising a problem or saying “you’ll get over it” is not helpful. It conveys the message that you don’t understand or are not willing to listen. Instead, offer reassurance, encouragement and support. Be willing to provide verbal or physical comfort, but don’t be discouraged if your teen rejects your effort, or is irritable. These are normal reactions to stress.

Be patient and let your child know you’re available if he or she needs you. Finally, continue to provide structure, stability and predictability. Within reason, stick to the same rules, boundaries, roles and routines.

Teens can decrease stress by exercising and eating regularly. Avoid excessive caffeine intake which can increase feelings of anxiety and agitation. Don’t use illegal drugs, alcohol and cigarettes. Build a network of friends who can help you cope in a positive way.